Monday, September 12, 2011

Big Dicks From Arkansas

I want to welcome Sable Hunter on my blog today. I hope you enjoy her post.

Big Dicks From Arkansas
Now, don't go crazy on me.  It's not what you think - well, it is - but, it isn't.  You see this is one of my grandmother's saying.  She is 93 years old and when she was young, she heard someone talking about so-and-so being a 'big dick' from Arkansas.  She never forgot it.  Now, anytime she thinks about somebody being important - she calls him a big dick from Arkansas. 
      Well, I write erotic romances and have nine releases under my belt.  My grandmother reads them all.  The other day she asked me if all of my heroes had big dicks.  I laughed at her and admitted that 'yes' they did.  She looked at me over her spectacles and said that it was probably a good idea because who would want to read a romance novel about a man who had a little dick. 
      My grandmother critiques my stories and in the beginning she was not so happy about all the sex scenes.  She has mellowed out somewhat - even though the oral sex part is not her favorite.  My graphic descriptions of luscious blow-jobs is not her cup of tea.  But, let me tell you this.  Not long ago we went somewhere together.  At one point, it was too cold for her to get out of the car and I handed her a book to read to entertain herself.  Now, it wasn't one of mine.  I won't tell you whose it was - but it was on the New York Times best seller list.  I left her reading and went to do my errands.  When I came back, I found that she had tossed the book over on my side of the car and it was lying in the floor board.  I took that as a sign that she didn't like the book too much.  I asked her what the problem was - now, get this.  She said that it wasn't spicy enough for her.  I almost died.  This was the woman who had initially wanted me to write Christian romances.  I laughed at her and told her that she had been reading too many of my stories.  She said that I was probably right - that she liked - now get this - she liked stories with big dicks and happy endings. I laughed till i cried.  Big dicks and happy ending.  I told the woman who does my computer work about that and she said we ought to incorporate and call our company BD&HE - Big Dicks and Happy Endings.  Could anything be more perfect?  Now, my grandmother's definition of a happy ending is not the standard masseuse table definition.  She literally means that a 'happy ending' is a sweet love story that ends with the hero and heroine riding off into the sunset together.  One of my favorite Elvis songs is 'Happy Endings'.  I have always pictured myself speaking at a Romance Writers of America Convention on the topic of  - let's say 'big dicks and happy endings' and finishing the speech by breaking into song - - - singing about a story with a happy ending – when boy meets girl – they fall in love – never part – but live forever, happily.  If you don't know the song - you should - go buy an Itunes version.  There's no one and nothing like Elvis.
     Anyway - my grandmother has a unique way of looking at things.  She's reading one of my books right now - I'm watching her read as she eats Doritios - she chuckles every once in a while and when she does, I know she's come to one of the big dick parts.
 Excerpt from T-R-O-U-B-L-E
“Are you going to seduce me, Cooper?”
“If you’ll let me.” It nearly killed him, but he sat still while she unbuttoned his shirt. He soon learned he had more endurance than he ever dreamed for as Cooper let loose each button; she kissed, licked, and nibbled her way down his chest. He clutched the cushion of the couch and closed his eyes as he endured the sweet torture. And she wasn’t finished. She opened his shirt wide and a glorious curtain of hair tickled his chest as she leaned over and tongued one of his nipples.
“Oh God, Cooper,” he groaned.
Ky helped her ease his blue jeans and underwear off. He lay down flat on his back and she scooted down between his legs. “Ky,” she breathed in wonderment. Taking him in her hands, she soothed her palm up and down his considerable length. Circling with her fist, she measured his girth. “You are so beautiful. And so big!”
And jumping up from the couch, she left him there.
“Hey! Come back here,” he laughed. “Where are you going?” She wasn’t gone but a second, and when she returned she sat down in the vee of his legs and held the pink dildo up to his dick to compare sizes.
“Ky, you are way bigger than this piece of junk. What is this thing, five inches?”
Ky snorted in derision. “I’ll have you know that plastic junk is seven inches and my junk is nine and a half.”
“And a half? We’ve measured closely, haven’t we?” Giggles erupted as she held the dildo next to Ky’s pride and joy. “And look how big around you are! Oh, baby! You are hung! What do I need this flimsy thing for?” She flung the dildo across the room, scaring the two dogs in the process, which in turn set off the tomcats. “Oops.”
“Look what you’ve done, baby.” This was the most fun Ky could ever remember having. Just a couple of days had passed and already she was a bigger part of his life than anyone else had ever thought about being.
Cooper ignored the animals. Looking deep into his eyes, she closed her hand around him. “You are so smooth and hard and warm. I’ve never felt anything like it.” She grasped him tightly and began pumping her hand up and down. “Am I doing it right, sweetie?” She had fell right into Ky’s sweet-talk habit and he loved it.
“There is no wrong way, love. But, yeah—that feel’s wonderful. You’ve never done this before?” He thought he knew the answer, but he wanted reassurance. The fact he was her first thrilled the life out of him. Now, all he had to work on was being the last.
Have a great day!
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Twitter Handle: @huntersable

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marybelle said...

That was a FUN excerpt.


Patti said...

Great post

musicalfrog at